Create a Wedding Day That Reflects You
It probably goes without saying that you want an amazing wedding, right? But what if you’re feeling more pain than joy when it comes to the big day?
Let me assure you that experiencing both positive and negative emotions during the wedding planning process and even on your wedding day is incredibly common.
Weddings are full of emotions, good and bad. Strong emotions frequently come up during the wedding planning process, and when they aren’t dealt with, they can show up unexpectedly on your wedding day.
If you already feel overwhelmed by the wedding planning process and don’t know what to do, Meera Mohan-Graham has some solid and heartfelt advice for you.
Meera is a Wedding Planning Advocate and Coach, who helps couples navigate the stress and complexities of the wedding planning process. She works to help couples create space for worry, grief, and all the other bad emotions without letting them take over the wedding.
In this Colorful Conversation, Meera and Leah discussed how to make mental space for tough emotions so you can have a magical, memorable wedding.
Navigating the Wedding Planning Process Without Getting Lost in the Weeds.
Getting engaged can change everything. It signals the start of the wedding planning process, which can be relentless and overwhelming.
According to Meera, “everyone drops into the weeds almost instantly” and it is really easy to feel lost and get distracted by minute wedding details before you even have a venue picked out.
Her advice: Zoom out.
You don’t have to decide on your centerpieces a mere two weeks after getting engaged. Take time and plan the big picture and everything else will fall into place.
Here are some additional tips for when you feel dropped into the wedding planning weeds:
Take a deep breath. Understand that where you are emotionally is okay. Feeling overwhelmed isn’t a bad thing, you just need to accept where you are so you can move on from there.
Consider your feelings. Don’t mitigate your worries for your wedding. If you don’t take time to make space for your feelings now, they will probably show up again later, possibly on your wedding day, so don’t bottle them up and hide them.
Understand what you're fighting about. Are you really upset about the doilies your mom insists on having on the tables, or is there something else underneath that frustration? Really examine what is behind that frustration.
Don’t get stuck on small details, especially early in the planning process. You don’t need the perfect table setting planned before you even book your venue. Meera suggests staying focused on the task at hand so you don’t get caught up in the details of decisions you can easily make later in the process.
Accepting Grief As the Annoying Guest
When you think about weddings, few of us think of grief, but Meera explains that grief is actually a natural emotion during life's big changes, including weddings.
She explains that, when it comes to weddings, “grief is love that doesn’t have anywhere else to go.” In fact, weddings are naturally full of love, excitement, and yes, grief.
Some experience grief for the family member that won’t be there, or the broken relationship that shows up. Grief is the flip side to all the happy emotions of the day, so it’s important to make space for it because it will show up.
Says Meera, “It’s so much more beautiful to say, ‘I invite [grief] alongside everyone else, even if you are sometimes annoying and show up in the wrong spots.’”
Meera has some tips for making space for this annoying, but important, guest.
Accept it. All these emotions are okay to feel. Weddings are complicated, and it’s okay to feel that complex range of emotions around your day. Don’t ignore the bad emotions, and don’t let guilt accompany your feelings of grief.
Talk about it. Don’t try and ignore grief when it comes up. Talk about what is causing your grief and learn how to honor that grief in your wedding. It could be honoring someone who has passed or creating space for someone who couldn’t be there. Talk about the grief and the anger and frustration that come with it.
Plan for it. Make a game plan for when grief shows up. Give yourself time in the wedding planning process and on your wedding day to sit with those feelings. It will only make the good emotions even better.
How to Help As a Vendor
If you are a vendor who wants to help couples through this process, Meera has some advice for you as well.
Step back and evaluate your reaction. When complicated emotions show up, is your gut reaction to try and ‘fix it’ or make it go away? That’s a normal reaction, especially around wedding planning. But instead, try this:
Have a conversation. Let the couple know that you understand that grief and worry are present and you want to help them recognize and make space for those emotions.
Make a Plan. Ask how the couple would like to be supported when these negative emotions show up and make a plan. That plan could involve talking or just providing the couple with space to process their emotions.
Give permission. Give the couple permission to be vulnerable with you. Let them know you are here to support them as a whole person, not just as nearly weds.
One last word from Meera:
“It’s your wedding. You’re going to be there. Be emotionally present with all the emotions that come up. It’s going to be incredible and you're going to remember it. And others are going to remember it and they're probably going to say it was the best wedding they’ve ever gone to because nobody remembers the damn centerpieces. You will remember at the end of the day how you felt on that day.”
Mentioned in this interview
Where to find Meera
Website: meeraweddings.com and meeragraham.com
Instagram: @meeramograham