Healthy Ways to Deal with Wedding Stress and Emotions
Weddings are emotional. Not just because of the emotions that come when you say, “I Do,” or the rush of emotions that may come from a cherished heirloom given as a gift, or even the emotions you may feel when you find your perfect wedding day attire.
Weddings are emotional when it comes to relationships, and those emotions can manifest in both positive and negative ways. In fact, weddings can bring out the very best and worst in ourselves and our loved ones.
If anyone has simple tricks and tips for dealing with the sometimes rocky emotional landscape of weddings and wedding planning, it’s Janice Gassam Asare Ph.D.
Her award-winning consultancy, BWG Business Solutions LLC, helps organizations create safer, healthier, and more inclusive environments. Her top strategy for creating those supportive environments? Cultivating emotional intelligence.
In this interview, Dr. Janice outlines exactly what emotional intelligence is and how it can help you plan a joyful and stress-free wedding, whether you’re dealing with friends, family, guests, or vendors.
Handing Emotional Challenges Well Starts with Cultivating Emotional Intelligence
So what exactly is emotional intelligence?
It’s “the ability to recognize the emotions that other people are experiencing and feeling.” It’s also the ability to recognize when we are feeling certain emotions and being able to manage those emotions that we're experiencing.
In a nutshell, it’s our ability to be truly present for ourselves and others, often without judgement, only observation.
As Dr. Janice explains, we're so attached to our devices that many of us don't even look up to see how the person that we're speaking to is reacting or feeling. Not truly seeing ourselves or our loved ones around us can foster a sense of isolation at best and at worst, can cause entrenched arguments and disagreements.
So how do you connect with others in a meaningful way that harnesses the power of emotional intelligence?
Simple.
Ask lots of questions.
This not only works for hammering out disagreements with parents or wedding party members, but also with hiring your vendor team. Get to know them and ask specific questions.
The one question you should ask all vendors: What would they do/how would they react in a certain (stressful) situation?
Questions like this can really help you to get to know them and their personality in a short amount of time.
Other tips for demonstrating emotional intelligence:
Listen. Like, hard! Talk to people with the intent to really listen. Get curious, suspend judgement, and simply listen.
Don’t solve problems. Listen.. When someone comes to us with a problem, a lot of people want to help solve it, but that isn’t always the best response. Many times people just want to feel heard and aren’t looking for a solution.
Ask what the other person needs. Avoid a lot of conflicts and simply ask what the person is looking for. Find out if they are looking for a solution or if they just want to vent.
Don’t take it personally. Your advice is yours. Others can decide not to take it. If they’d rather not take your advice, don’t take it personally.
Don’t assume you know how others feel.. You will also want to be very wary of the phrase, ‘I know how you feel.’ You might mean it as a way to connect with that person, but more often than not, it belittles and takes away from their unique experience in a way you didn’t mean.
Vent wisely. If you need to vent, you need to vent. We all do sometimes. But be aware of others' needs before you indiscriminately vent. Everyone has their own crap. Everyone has a lot on their plates. Sometimes you can overwhelm loved ones when you ask them to take on your stuff.. So, ask before you start venting. Setting boundaries with the people you look to for advice can help prevent you from unintentionally overwhelming them. Be aware of where you are and where they are before you let your problems loose on them.
Manage Stress by Connecting with your “Why,” Then Get Help to Manage the Rest
Everything about weddings can be extremely stressful. Things will go wrong, your relationships will be tested, but it will be okay.
To manage stress effectively, keep your “Why” in mind.
Think about why you truly want to celebrate and what your wedding is really about. What does marriage mean to you? For many, a wedding is about celebrating the love you share with your partner. Things will go wrong, but if you remember your why, the missteps will have less impact..
Dr. Janice offers these additional tips for managing stress::
Wedding planning is innately stressful. Many couples feel a huge societal pressure to create a “perfect day.” Women especially feel this pressure acutely. Society has trained women to believe this is “your day” and you need all of these things for your day to be perfect. Unlearning these ideologies will help you let outside pressure go and really make your wedding your own.
Hire people you trust. When you take the time to find and hire a vendor team you trust, they often help manage stressful situations on your behalf. Part of hiring trustworthy team members is making sure they’re aligned with your ideology. Get to know the person you are looking to hire. Look at their referrals and be open with them about what you’re looking for. Dr. Janice suggests word-of-mouth referrals over all others. That way you know the referral is coming from a trusted source.
Check in with Your Partner. Lastly, you want to make sure you and your partner are ideologically aligned. Make sure you are talking and asking the right questions before you say ‘I do.’ Discuss things like names change, kids, childcare, debt, finances, and religion. These are huge questions that can cause huge rifts in a relationship long-term.
Mentioned in This Interview
Monique Melton @moemotivate
Where to find Janice
Website: https://www.drjanicegassam.com/
Instagram: @janicejnice
Clubhouse: @janicejnice